I won’t go into full details about everything I’ve learned about buying cars. But in case you are interested, you can read my full advice here. I had been toying with the idea of getting a new car for a while but didn’t want to saddle myself with car payments. I’m a freelance writer and my income is sporadic at best. But in the car world of accounting, a new car has monthly payments while a car you own demands repair costs in large, lump sums. My accountant urged me to lease a car since almost the entire cost could be deducted for my business. I loved the idea of a lease, since I get bored with my cars after two years. No sooner had I decided to start looking for a car then my mother called to tell me about Audi’s end-of-year special moving their Audi A4 2.0T models on lease for $350/mo with no security and no down payment. After some quick internet homework determining the A4 to be a sweet ride, I ran my butt over to Santa Monica Audi, walked in the door and asked the first salesman for a test drive. Sherlock stepped up and we went for a hard-torque spin around Santa Monica. I was sold and began the process. In my relationships with celebrities I’ve had the occasion to witness the spending of vast sums of money on a variety of goods. By and large, money does not always buy customer service. You only have three real cell phone provider options, so the big corporations don’t really care about customer service (you are disposable). There’s few real choices for gas, groceries, and office supplies so you never get a high quality retail experience there, either. But around the $30,000 mark things start to change and Audi of Santa Monica is proof of this. The salesmen are nice. They spend time with you. Get you coffee. Show you all the different goofy things about your new car, like the flip down visor above the rear-view mirror and the meaning of the mystery buttons ever car has these days. When I decided I wanted the A4, they did not have the color I wanted on the lot. They said they would bring one up from Long Beach. After a week, they did not have the car. I called the GM and said that it was fine, I would wait, but the week without the car would need to be refunded or credited to my account. No car, no money. Fifteen minutes later he called back offering me a quattro (AWD) version in the color I wanted at the same lease structure. I absolutely agreed. When I brought my car in to have the iPod interface installed I was given an appointment time and a completed time estimate that they stuck to. I recently brought in my car for its 5,000 mile service, which was included in my car’s lease. I had a few issues I wanted checked and they had a technician drive the car home for the night for diagnosis. They arranged a discount on a rental car, though I was hoping for a courtesy loaner. Finally, until commission sales are removed from the buying experience, and the mystery of different add-ons clarified for the customers up-front, even the best car buying experience will still be short of perfect.

(310) 451-7676, 1020 Santa Monica Blvd, Santa Monica

This is not “manscaping”. In recent years the Metrosexual Male has grown out of its gangly adolescence and into some sort of strange, beastly puberty. Magazines like Stuff and Maxim – at war with their inner Metrosexual – decided that massive doses of misogyny was the solution. I reject this asinine viewpoint and I dare anyone to call me soft while I shave with a straight razor. Stuff and Maxim are an affront to masculinity by their exploitation of women. They might as well don white robes and join the Taliban, these men who believe strength comes through the domination of women. These are the same morons who think you need more than one blade on a razor. The new Gillette Mach 12: The first blade mocks the hair. The second blade talks kindly to it. The third blade lifts up the hair’s spirits so that the fourth blade can circumcise the shaft. The fifth blade is intentionally left blank. The sixth blade ran all the way home… More blades does not make the man! There is power in knowing how to use a straight razor. One man, one blade. You must learn the contours of your face and glide the razor across it while scraping off just the top layer of skin. A straight razor shave requires oils, lotions, and salves that appeal to the love of product, while serving a very real purpose at every stage: not dying by your own hand. The Art of Shaving is one of a few salons for men that offer a classic straight razor shave as well as facials and other folic grooming. They present themselves as a classic barbershop in the model of the opening scene of The Untouchables. They sell their own line of pre-shave oils, shaving soaps and creams, and aftershave balms in a variety of scents and options. I use their unscented line, which has a pleasantly neutral odor. Lemon, lavender, sandalwood, and others are also quite nice. My first visit was for an education. I wanted a traditional shave so I could learn proper technique to perform my own straight razor shaves. My barber was patient in showing me all the details I needed to know in order not to slice my face to ribbons. After much practice with a safety straight razor (purchased at the store) I graduated to a beautiful German-made razor; a gift from my father. I continue to use the Art of Shaving oils and lotions since they make an outstanding product. I also use their badger-hair brush, a variety of which can be found at the store in prices from $50-$500. They also sell gorgeous handled safety razors, mirror sets, and other grooming supplies as individual or gift sets. Have you seen Pan’s Labyrinth? Do you think westerns are manly? Prove you’re a real man – not through the ugly “lad mag” phenomenon, but through dragging precision-honed steel across your face every day without slitting your own throat. The rest of you misogynist pigs can take your weak-ass multi-blade embarrassments and go fuck yourselves.

(310) 785-3993, 10250 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles