There’s got to be a bazillion nail salons in this city, and not much separating one from another other than the sheer number of Vietnamese women staffing them. I found Fairy’s because I live nearby and I was looking for a field trip to do with my wife. Of the two nail salons in walking distance, Fairy’s was the cleanest looking with an autoclave in the rear and plastic liners on all the buckets and spa equipment. My wife and I each got a mani/pedi and they did a great job. Since we don’t speak Vietnamese we were kind of in the dark conversationally, but we were treated well and pampered nicely. They have a couple of deluxe spa chairs, so you can always upgrade your experience and sit in the fancy leather jobs. The best thing is that Fairy’s has got to be the cheapest salon in town. Twenty bucks each for a mani/pedi. It was so inexpensive I added a foot callous removal for $4! I tipped well for having subjected the poor woman to my man-feet. May I be the first man to request that the French nail and acrylic fad END?! I’m pretty much sick of every woman in L.A. having big, white, plastic nails. I’ll never forget my first MILF, my fifth grade teacher, Eunice Heckman. She had the most gorgeous red, natural fingernails. Please, let the porno-chic era end so we can herald the return of red.

(310) 839-1636, 10766 Washington Blvd, Culver City

Patrick Guilfoyle is a man of exceptional taste and that extends to how he treats his canine guests. He has built an oasis for dogs in Burbank, a swanky spa for your pooch where they can play and frolic while you vacation or work watching them on webcams. My wife and I are freaks, in that we are in our thirties without children and two dogs that we DO NOT ANTHROPOMORPHIZE. They are dogs, not children. Because we understand they are dogs we do not pamper them as if they were people, we treat them well as befits their species. Their idea of vacation is to roll in water, sniff strange ass, pee on each other, and play all day. (OK, that may be some human’s idea of fun, too.) We have two dogs, a pitbull/basenji mix allergic to everything, and an ex-racing greyhound. They love their time at DDDY and we rest assured knowing Patrick and his exceptional staff take top care of our dogs. The greyhound’s skin can tear like rice paper, and those tears can keep ripping if they’re not caught in time. So far no tears, which to me says that fights and skirmishes are caught in time and stopped. Double Dog Dare Ya is a premium doggie day care and kennel, so expect to pay more than other places. But if you are in a position to do so, and understand that “hotelling” your pet is both stupid and really just bores them, take them to Double Dog and envy the simplicity of modern design as applied to dogs. Outdoor play-area has tarps for shade, a swimming pond, and lots of room to roam. They cap their population to prevent a negative caretaker:dog ratio. Their informal motto is a dog that sleeps for two days after a visit is a job well done. In the many times my dogs have been there, “sleep” is a polite way of saying “comatose”.

(818) 846-2234, 122 W Linden Ct, Burbank

One of my very first jobs was working for a mom & pop video store back in Washington, D.C. The owner let me work behind the counter when I was 12, which was highly illegal given that I was renting porno movies to adults. (It only got weird when customers asked for recommendations.) I worked for the store on and off for many years, watching three movies a day, building my movie vocabulary. The independent video store is a dying, damn near dead breed. Even in L.A. there’s Cinefile, Vidiots (Santa Monica), and Rocket Video (Hollywood) and that’s pretty much it. Eventually even these stores will be made obsolete by V.O.D., download services, and videos-by-mail. But nothing can replace the holier-than-thou attitude of the video store clerk. Cinefile makes good on the implicit pact of the independent video store: attitude, surly condescension by video store clerks, absolute elitism regarding obscure Tanzanian bush directors, and a commitment to misanthropy in exchange for really, really hard to find and out of print material. I love Cinefile and if I lived closer I’d use them all the time. Japanese, Sudanese, or Swedish film nut? They stock non-region 1 DVDs and sell the players that can play them. (Though if you own a Mac and download mactheripper you can rip any region DVD and watch the file on your computer.) Organize your library by director and fetish? So do they. Need to know the difference between every single Police Academy movie in the Steve Gutenberg ouvre? They can probably tell you. They might hit you, but they can tell you. Sign up for the occasional email and read about all the great movies you’re missing because Netflix doesn’t stock really obscure stuff.

(310) 312-8836, 11280 Santa Monica Blvd, Los Angeles

I won’t go into full details about everything I’ve learned about buying cars. But in case you are interested, you can read my full advice here. I had been toying with the idea of getting a new car for a while but didn’t want to saddle myself with car payments. I’m a freelance writer and my income is sporadic at best. But in the car world of accounting, a new car has monthly payments while a car you own demands repair costs in large, lump sums. My accountant urged me to lease a car since almost the entire cost could be deducted for my business. I loved the idea of a lease, since I get bored with my cars after two years. No sooner had I decided to start looking for a car then my mother called to tell me about Audi’s end-of-year special moving their Audi A4 2.0T models on lease for $350/mo with no security and no down payment. After some quick internet homework determining the A4 to be a sweet ride, I ran my butt over to Santa Monica Audi, walked in the door and asked the first salesman for a test drive. Sherlock stepped up and we went for a hard-torque spin around Santa Monica. I was sold and began the process. In my relationships with celebrities I’ve had the occasion to witness the spending of vast sums of money on a variety of goods. By and large, money does not always buy customer service. You only have three real cell phone provider options, so the big corporations don’t really care about customer service (you are disposable). There’s few real choices for gas, groceries, and office supplies so you never get a high quality retail experience there, either. But around the $30,000 mark things start to change and Audi of Santa Monica is proof of this. The salesmen are nice. They spend time with you. Get you coffee. Show you all the different goofy things about your new car, like the flip down visor above the rear-view mirror and the meaning of the mystery buttons ever car has these days. When I decided I wanted the A4, they did not have the color I wanted on the lot. They said they would bring one up from Long Beach. After a week, they did not have the car. I called the GM and said that it was fine, I would wait, but the week without the car would need to be refunded or credited to my account. No car, no money. Fifteen minutes later he called back offering me a quattro (AWD) version in the color I wanted at the same lease structure. I absolutely agreed. When I brought my car in to have the iPod interface installed I was given an appointment time and a completed time estimate that they stuck to. I recently brought in my car for its 5,000 mile service, which was included in my car’s lease. I had a few issues I wanted checked and they had a technician drive the car home for the night for diagnosis. They arranged a discount on a rental car, though I was hoping for a courtesy loaner. Finally, until commission sales are removed from the buying experience, and the mystery of different add-ons clarified for the customers up-front, even the best car buying experience will still be short of perfect.

(310) 451-7676, 1020 Santa Monica Blvd, Santa Monica